A few months back I could hardly walk. Internalizing stress was just eating me alive from the inside. Decades of codependency with unhealthy choices....and my body was just like.... "Yeah, fuck you guy."
I've been aggressive in my recovery. Lots of massages, more sleep, chiropractors, water, conversations, & putting my energy into creating things. I was making peace with the present moment.
3 months free of all my addictions and completely void of pain now.
What did I learn?
People are always addicted to thinking patterns. It's not the things that we point our fingers at...
Behavior is just the manifestation & expression of those patterns.
Human beings are always stressing the negative. "Quit that... You're going to die." "Don't you think about how this will effect this person or that one." "You're a lost cause.... I give up on you."
Blah blah blah.
We allow outside voices to become our excuse to stay the same & we value those people's opinions more than we value our own.
If you want to kick a bad habit, here is my suggestion...
Identify why you really started. No superficial bullshit answers and no negative victim minded bullshit. It's not because of stress, it's not because of loneliness . It's not someone else's behavior that causes yours. Get real with yourself. Be incredibly honest with YOU. There's a reason you started something. Identifying those reasons are the first step to change.
Maybe you wanted something. A feeling. A relationship. Something or someone to depend upon. An escape. A judgement free zone for your innermost desires and passions.
Did your addiction meet those needs? Or instead, did you find yourself a prisoner to those addictions.
Are you better off now?
If the answer is no, as it almost always is, then you're not "quitting."
Nobody successfully "quits."
There's nothing to quit or give up when you get nothing out of something.
You can't quit on a relationship that doesn't exist. You can fool yourself for a while, but when you truly do the inner question & answer session, the truth is right there. You have a paradigm shift in your consciousness. This process is one of beginning...or growing. Opening the doors to allowing yourself to separate from the habits & ultimately, elevating above them.
One might think the battle is over there, but it's just the beginning. You must find the reason you started your addiction to begin with. You are missing parts of yourself. A void you try to fill with useless acts or thoughts.
You must become the adult you needed as a child. The inspiration to your inner child. You have to meet that child's needs. Say the words that child needed to hear but nobody said, remind that child that their problems & fears... They are temporary. Remind them of the strength they have inside of them.
Nurture that inner child as if he/she was your own.
Because that child is your greatest responsibility. That relationship causes a ripple effect that will shake your family tree for generations.
You have to love your true self and learn to firmly shake hands with your darkest demons. After all, they are a part of you... The unmet needs, the unspoken words... They are not your enemies.
It's a generational curse you can break. You can quit an addiction FOR the loved ones you lost to an addiction. You might identify your reason for an addiction was a positive association with someone you admired. Maybe they never quit....maybe that was their cause of death. Can you find your ancestors in you? Be their strength too.
Ironically when you truly identify your reasons....you experience ZERO withdraw and zero cravings. In fact that's how you can tell if you've identified your true reason. You're not "trying to quit."....you're fucking done and nothing in the world can change your mind.
So no matter how bad 20/20 is.... This is my year of freedom and recovery. Trying times have always made me who I Am.
This is true for all of us.
It's not what happens to us but it is our reactions to those things that define us. I now have a healthy relationship with even the things that could kill me. In fact I appreciate what they taught me about myself and others.